Mix and Match
A beautiful sunset that I tried to capture - in all its glory -
while I was in Antique in early June.
I love when the rays are so visible.
Don't you just find it exhilarating when you see or experience something that's related to your personal life - and then you feel like The Big Guy Up There wants to tell you something? Or maybe He's just showing you ways of expressing how you feel because you never really knew how to let it out? I've been having that a LOT lately. And it's kinda funny. And sometimes nostalgic. Sometimes sad and regretful. Mostly, it's just a pleasing coincidence. It's like someone up there's really watching you carefully - so much so that He's proving it to you by sending you little hidden messages throughout your day.
"Nobody told me you'd been crying every night. Nobody told me you were dying - but didn't want to fight." - Let Me Be the One
Ok, ok. Senti song. So what? We've all got it in ourselves. Some more close to the surface than others. Some more expressive of it. I can't relate to this word per word. Actually, I'm feeling this more:
"Nobody told you I'd been crying every night. Nobody told you I was dying, but didn't want to fight."
Yes. For some reason, self-sacrifice is my game. Nostalgia took over and WHAM! Hit again. Too many people tell me I'm too good to others to the point of giving up too much of myself - to the point of shedding tears for the one who's hurting me, because all I want is for that person to STOP hurting me so that I can't consider him bad. My friends told me that I should cry because I'm hurt - and that's ok. It's normal. But I really didn't feel like it. So, here I am, relating to these lines. It's been quite a while. But stil - "Nobody told you..." and maybe, I just want that person to know, if only to let that person know it wasn't easy - to let that person know that I gave up quite a lot for his/her sake. Yes. Somewhere in my unhealthy invisible selflessness, I long to be appreciated and noticed. Which leads me to God's little message number two.
"You've put yourself aside long enough. Look at all those people you sacrificed parts of yourself for - parts of your dreams for. They're all excelling. They're all ahead of their game. This time, think of yourself. Your friends will not take it against you. In fact, real friends will help you with it, and not dislike you because you're trying to make yourself better as they have. You more than deserve it. You may not think I knew what you were doing, but I know that this is your purpose. I've always known." - My Mom.
Mothers are such mysteries. You'll always find a way to clash with her - but clash as you might, you'll end up so attached to her anyway. And I love that she's constant in my life. My own mom told me this one afternoon after our first couple of days of school. It's strange. I thought that she always simply thought that I was simply lazy to go after my dreams and my goals. It's what I read from her mannerisms. But then she goes and says this, and it makes me want to cry in self-love. I was really doing something right after all. I've waited SO long for some sign of approval. Many of us wait for it to come from our parents. I wanted to know if what I felt was right, really was right after all. I wanted to know if what I was doing this whole time was a great leap towards more failure. But my mom proved me wrong. People do notice. They just wait for the right time to express it, maybe. And it kind of makes sense. If she had told me this before now, I'd probably have thought she was just saying it to make me feel better. Once again, The Big Guy Up There proves He's perfect. He's perfect in timing - and that's something we humans can never get right. There'll always be something quite off, no matter how long we wait. If we knew how to time ourselves perfectly, there'd be no such things as surprises, or taking risks.
Risks. I've never been one for risk-taking. I can't even really speak up for one of the things I've wanted for almost a year now. And again, this little issue is addressed by coincidence:
"It's the one thing you want most in the world.. And you're not ready to take a risk for it?" - Joel, from The California Club by Belinda Jones.
I had to read this line over and over again, and I thought, "Boy. Belinda Jones knows her stuff." Then it struck me. How many of us have those "one thing we want the most's", and still can't find the courage to take a risk for it? I figured that the worse we want something, the harder it is to take a risk for. Most likely, there'll be something holding us back - something to be lost if things don't turn out well. In my case, there's just as much to lose if I take a risk for my "one thing I want the most," than if I don't take that risk:
Pro's: I MIGHT get what I want, and have a nice little happy ending.
Con's: I MIGHT lose what I already have, and have a tragic telenovela for a lifestory.
Try getting yourself out of something like this. Even Houdini can't contortion himself enough to get outta this ditch. Ah well. C'est la vie.
Little coincidences? Maybe only to us. To Him, it's all scripted. He doesn't even really have to write much. Somewhere around the world, people are finding that they can relate the exact same line to their lives. All He has to do is mix and match.
Now that would be something I'd enjoy doing. But for now, I'm good. His mix'n'match powers are pretty darn fun on the receiving end, too.
A rose is beautiful, despite its thorns.
(Taken during our Baguio trip.)
posted by krizia @ 5:31 AM
2 Comments:
OH! OH! I LOOOOVE THE PICTURES!!!!!!!!!!:O woweeee!!!!! :D
it's sooo surreal... it looks like those flowers you put on cake... the weird edible ones. huhuhuhuhu. :p
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